黑暗。。。

yesterday was one of the darkest days of my life... got back the results for my thesis and i did alot worse than i thought... i was very upset, and what made it worse was reading through the examiner's reports, the criticism from one of the reports was so harsh, i got even more upset... i really felt like crying but i was still in the hospital, so i was trying to hold the tears in till i got into auris... i was really upset that i did so badly... after 1.5 years of hard work, i certainly did not expect this kind of marks, and i told myself that i would not be attending grad in april, cos i dun want to be the last one going up onstage among the people doing honours, and also knowing that anna did well somehow made it worse, so i told auntie that if she called, tell her i am not at home... after crying for most of the night, i was much calmer today, although i was still feeling upset about the results, and i still did not print the feedback from the examiners yet... and i don't think i will be publishing the research, cos it was crap anyway, according to the reports from the examiners... still, i have decided that i will attend grad bcos i know that my family would want me to... i kept thinking of alot of "ifs"... if i did not do honours and just get a pass, i think it would be better rather than now having to endure the humiliation of being announced as second class in front of everybody... if i had a better supervisor...

and also something happened during placement yesterday which added to me feeling like crap... i was so worried that mu supervisor will fail me bcos of that incident but i don't think she will, judging from today... so now i tried to avoid similar incidents from happening, and just wishing that friday will come sooner...