SOme GUiDanCE wiLL bE HeLpful...

sooo, we finally met up with each other yesterday, first impression, ok, physically, not quite what I expected, he is pretty dark-skinned, and short, like similar height with me... so we met up at hornsby westfield, then he drove hyungie to top ryde, where we had schnitz for lunch, and we talked some more, it was pretty awkward actually, cos I saw him from afar first, and I just gave him a quick small hug, and there were a few times during our little date that I know he was trying to hold my hand, but it was pretty awkward, and he kept rubbing my finger, so I kind of subtly pulled away, and he kissed me on the cheek twice... after lunch, we decided to drive to eastwood and we had oliver brown's waffles for dessert... he was really nice, but I could tell he was nervous as well... cos he sounded way more confident over the phone... 

the problem is I know I have feelings for him, but I dunno whether these feelings mean I truly like him or whether I just feel comfortable talking to him as a friend... and he already told me more than once he is starting to fall in love with me... and everyone around me who knows, kept telling me to slow down, and to make sure of his intentions and his future plans are first... but sometimes, I also feel like we do know each other quite well, and I do trust him at this stage... I can't predict what's going to happen in future, but at this stage, I think I am going to go with my gut instincts and feelings and see where this leads us to...

and on the other hand, pongie was again upset with me yesterday and we had another blowup, in addition to the one on saturday, when papa was apparently upset with both of us for different reasons, hence my initial plan of telling them was postponed... and yesterday it got to the point that I felt so bad towards him that I told him it's not too late to give us up, cos really, I have too much drama in my life right now... since this whole thing started... it's pretty much one drama after another every week... and one of the things which really made me feel like he really likes me and is serious about us is the way he handled the whole situation and is willing to compromise and wait for me... I was pretty shocked when he told me that he was really upset and he had tears in his eyes when he read my message asking him to walk away from this yesterday... hence why, I am trusting these feelings and my gut instinct telling me that he is a trustworthy person and that he genuinely cares for me... despite what other people are telling me... anyway, we decided that 27 April is the day we officially "talked" and knew of one another, so this friday 27 May will be our 1 month anniversary, and we are planning to go have dinner after work... anyway, watch this space...

BE poSiTiVE!

since I last blogged on Friday evening, the conversation that night was truly mortifying on my part, cos it was VERY personal like sensitive questions 101, even to the point of talking about having sex, my menstrual bleeding, my surgery, my scars, and possibility of not having children, everytime I thought of what we talked about that night, I cringe in horror and embarrassment, cos come on, I have yet to even meet him in person, and he knows more intimate things about me that any person should... and we even talked about locations and when to do this... 

anyway, things were pretty intense still... until sat night when pongie overheard us talking about going on an overnight trip and everything blew up... she was crying the whole night, yelling, saying that she hates him, I am not her sister, she wants to go back to singapore etc... it was truly one of the worst nights ever... and of course, needless to say, sunday was pretty tense, which made me tell prisy about him... and of course, she also said the same thing to me, ie to be careful, cos at the end of the day, I have yet to meet him, and I have more to lose than him etc... which I agree, but I really like him and I want to believe and trust what he says... but of course, there will always be a part of me which will remain cautious... anyway, sunday night, pongie and I manage to have a chat about things, and hopefully things will improve as time goes... 

and he is so much better than me at compliments, at saying things such as liking me, thinking of me, missing me, and he even said to me yesterday that he thinks he is slowly falling in love with me... he actually said the big taboo L word, and we have not even met each other... and on my part, I think I am too, becos how can I resist not?? examples, checking my phone almost compulsively, looking forward to chatting with him at night, and texting him, we pretty much text or call each other regularly throughout the day and still chat at night... is that overkill??

I keep waiting for me to wake from this dream, or waiting for the stone to drop, and this situation is not as good as it seems to be... I will be devastated...

HaS FatE rEALLy ArriVED?

sooo... thought I would do a timeline of my online dating journey...

26 April- registered as a member, started talking more in depth with 2 asian guys pretty much daily, some just hi and byes... browsing daily for interesting matches...

10 May- suddenly was talking as per usual with one of them and then at like 2230, he was like, so how about we try chatting on the phone, so I was like sure, when?? expecting like on the weekend or something, not immediately, but that was what happened... I was sooo nervous, my palms were sweating, cold, my heart was pounding like crazy, I was pretty much freaking out alittle bit actually... so we talked for abit, first impression to be honest was ok, his English is not perfect... voice is ok... accent is quite strong but not too bad... and after we hung up, I truly could not sleep the entire night, combination of adrenaline, nerves, replaying the whole conversation over and over... it was crazy... and then we started talking nightly, getting to know each other better, and I thought he was a really nice and genuine person... and he seems to really care about my wellbeing, and texts me throughout the day as well... and asking for more pics... he actually believed that my profile picture was photoshopped, I was alittle upset about that... 

13 May... fast forward till today... still talking nightly, texting each other throughout the day, and he seemed to really like me, but me being me, with my low self esteem and confidence, kept worrying constantly about what will happen once we actually see each other face to face, and he finds out all the stuff about me... what will his reaction be and what happens if this did not work out in the end... oh and did I mention that we both decided to delete our okcupid accounts yesterday... and I also offered to continue as friends with the other asian guy I was talking to, I hope the gamble of giving him my number does not turn around and bite me in the ass... anyway... so have not been sleeping well for the last few nights since we started chatting on the phone... and of course, no mood whatsoever to do my assignment still... yikes... time is really ticking... just wish that I did not start this stupid idea of doing the masters degree in the first place... cos really, to be honest, my priority atm is to work on my social life... but it's a little too late now... so just have to persevere and hopefully get it done and pass the module this semester... 

so, who knows about the above so far... only pongie, huimin, fran and jo... dunno if I should be telling other people at this stage... watch this space I guess :)