CRuEL...

Now I finally know how cruel and hurtful someone can be... cos I think he must have deleted and blocked... and pathetic fool that I am... still holding out hope that things may turn for the better... deleted the whatsapp chat and his number from the contact list, but it's still on my phone, still keeping the pictures... I just realised that whatsapp still has the mobile numbers of my exes... don't think I can ever be as cruel as to block numbers... he must really be pissed and hates me...

为什么。。。

After 2 months, we finally decided to end it yesterday over the phone, or rather, I decided to end it, cos he was just giving me all these excuses and not willing to compromise at all... does this mean that I will remain an old spinster for the rest of my life... none of the last 3 relationships lasted more than 2 months... what a joke... and all said the L word, but when it really comes down to it, none of them fought for me... nothing to look forward to except our holiday in Dec...

STop...

work is still not going well... and funny how when things go smoothly, everything seems rosy but when small little things like trackwork happens, and I realise that I have been compromising by travelling to him, and now he is not willing to travel to me, things become clear that we are not going to work out becos I can't always be the one compromising and giving in, and when small little hiccups happen, we just seem to fall apart easily... what a joke... just end it now already...

I will be devastated, but I dunno if it's becos there is no longer anything to look forward to or that I actually like him... life goes on though...

iROny...

Week 3 into my new job at Concord and it's not going well at all... I dunno if it's becos I feel like I have lost some independence, or different ways of doing things, but an incident happened today involving my Mandarin speaking amputee patient which made me question myself as a clinician and my clinical reasoning skills... and I really don't like this feeling... ironic how I wish I was still at Lemongrove or Nepean...  and now with my uni project, work is making me feel like I am taking time out of my clinical caseload to work on my project and making me feel bad about it... I really don't like my current work situation at all...

LiFE is NOt GoiNg well...

Unbelievable... 7 years travelling to and from Nepean approx 55km one way, nothing happened, less than 2 weeks into the new job at Concord approx 20km one way, and I had a car accident, freaking idiot 2 cars down must have suddenly decided to turn into the petrol station to get petrol, slowed down and all 3 cars behind him including me did not manage to brake in time, and slammed into each other... thank goodness the car in front was a 4 wheel drive, otherwise, it could have been much worse, and that the car behind didn't hit me... Hyungie's front is dented, but other than that, he was still driveable... and luckily the 2 guys in both cars were nice about the whole thing... spent like 20mins on the phone with AAMI, providing details, and got annoyed when I was told the nearest repair and assessment centre was like 30mins away... I was like are you freaking kidding me??!! Anyway, I managed to get them to find one at Asquith but they are fully booked until 23/10/17, which meant that we could not drive Hyungie until then... this whole new job and new change is not working out for me atm...

Uni is also giving me a headache... work as well... becos the service is only commencing on 30/10/17, so basically I am just helping out on the rehab ward, doing bits and pieces, have a patient on the ward atm who is Mandarin/Cantonese speaking, and I think I spoke more Mandarin than I ever had in ages... and having to wake up at like 0530 to catch the train and bus??!!

This thing with Pete is also giving me a headache... I am feeling more and more like we are not going to work out, and I am considering if I should just end it now and stop wasting our time, or hold off until when he leaves... 

So basically, life is not going well for me atm...