I NEed to GEt OUt...

this week has been shitty, especially since wednesday...

wednesday morning, I attended the pall care CC instead of Dawn, and becos it went for 1.5hours, she was like what took you so long?? you should have left etc etc... and then started talking about one of the new referrals, and her not knowing the pt and the full story, said I want you to do a formal cognitive Ax, even though I said I did not think it was necessary... but she insisted that I do one regardless... initially I wanted to ignore her and do what I thought was appropriate, but it just so happened that something else came up and I thought maybe I should do a formal cognitive Ax as well, not becos she TOLD me to do it, but becos an issue regarding the pt's capacity to make decisions came up... 

and then on thurs, another dreaded lymph clinic day, but becos it was Kate, not as stressful, but in the pm, when I was doing MRT, the student and I spent quite alot of time with one of the patients and I think the both of us were becoming frustrated with the documentation of the session by the end of the day... 

then today, Dawn was like how many active pts do you have on your list? and I said 2-3, and she was like, you are not managing with your current caseload, and 2-3 pts are not alot, a normal caseload should be 10-11, you need to be prioritising your pts blah blah blah... anyway, spent quite a long time sorting out the d/c of the above pt today, and then seeing 2 other pts who also took quite awhile, and in the end, did not even have time for morning tea or lunch... and just before going home, she was like, was I ok?? what happened with the pt earlier, and why it took so long etc etc... and I pretty much told her that I did not appreciate her making me feel like I am not doing any work, becos I felt like I helped someone today, even though the outcome was not ideal and even though it took such a long time... and that I simply cannot understand her reasoning behind asking me to do the cognitive assessment which I did not think was necessary... I could have gone further, and said what I really want to say since I started in cancercare... which is... 

you are a person who says one thing and does the other, who refuses to work with someone becos you are not able to get along with them, and expects people around to also not work with them, someone whom I lost all respect for since the day you threw a tantrum and stomped out of a meeting becos nobody read the document that you circulated, and the day when you actually had to take "stress leave" becos you had a disagreement with another staff member... you make it really difficult to work with you, becos I feel like I have to watch everything I say and do... and to work with the other staff members, when they are one of the essential members of the team... and you disliked it everytime you found out that I spoke to the staff member about pts... even though you would be ok and even encouraged me to speak to the other care coordinators about pts... you always said I need to work on my verbal communication, and I need to tell you everything, but you are the one who asked me to see the pts on the ward becos you are busy with other stuff, and I did and then you decide that you have some time, and so you go see the pts without telling me...

dunno how long more I can tolerate this situation... I NEED TO GET OUT! kate is more than welcome to have my position anytime!