LiFE is NOt GoiNg well...

Unbelievable... 7 years travelling to and from Nepean approx 55km one way, nothing happened, less than 2 weeks into the new job at Concord approx 20km one way, and I had a car accident, freaking idiot 2 cars down must have suddenly decided to turn into the petrol station to get petrol, slowed down and all 3 cars behind him including me did not manage to brake in time, and slammed into each other... thank goodness the car in front was a 4 wheel drive, otherwise, it could have been much worse, and that the car behind didn't hit me... Hyungie's front is dented, but other than that, he was still driveable... and luckily the 2 guys in both cars were nice about the whole thing... spent like 20mins on the phone with AAMI, providing details, and got annoyed when I was told the nearest repair and assessment centre was like 30mins away... I was like are you freaking kidding me??!! Anyway, I managed to get them to find one at Asquith but they are fully booked until 23/10/17, which meant that we could not drive Hyungie until then... this whole new job and new change is not working out for me atm...

Uni is also giving me a headache... work as well... becos the service is only commencing on 30/10/17, so basically I am just helping out on the rehab ward, doing bits and pieces, have a patient on the ward atm who is Mandarin/Cantonese speaking, and I think I spoke more Mandarin than I ever had in ages... and having to wake up at like 0530 to catch the train and bus??!!

This thing with Pete is also giving me a headache... I am feeling more and more like we are not going to work out, and I am considering if I should just end it now and stop wasting our time, or hold off until when he leaves... 

So basically, life is not going well for me atm...

COmProMiSe or SEttLinG...

ok 3 weeks on from my last post, things are going well and not well?? 

pros- he is nice, he seems serious about us, and he is pretty good in let's say skinship areas... he is pretty hairy though, arms and legs...

cons- I have been to his place about 4 times now, I was alittle turned off by the bird shit on the floor, the house is generally not the cleanest, and hygiene is not a priority, his bird is like flying everywhere, he does not like talking about his family, he is going away for months on end once he gets into the navy, and yesterday, he brought me on this walk, which turned out to be a short walk through the bush, and I ended up with cuts, and it was a 4km walk, and we saw 2 dead snakes, yes... and yesterday, he told me that he bought my birthday present from the reject shop... I was like thinking to myself, you should have just kept that information to yourself Pete... not a good thing to tell a girl that... we like different things... he lives far away...

I have this feeling that we may not work out in the end, and I am back at online dating again... painful... 

my last days at Lemongrove CHC came and went... had multiple farewell lunches with both the people from the hospital and Lemongrove... got some presents, gardening stuff, gift vouchers... can't believe that I have actually resigned from NBMLHD, after all this time... and starting work in another place after so long... did my public transport and driving trials... had a headache and felt nauseous from the bus... urghhh... and parking is probably worse at concord cos it's all 2 hour parking slots only...

希望。。。

Soooo 3 weeks since the last post, I have again rejected number 2 twice, I seriously can't believe he messaged me again even after we decided that we should not continue, anyway, goodbye permanently to number 2, and hello number 3...

I have only known number 3 for about 2.5 weeks and it's scary how we are going too well, we have only met up twice to date, but of course, chatting nightly... and he has even video called mum yesterday... I hope that we do end up together in the long term, but there are a few barriers still, which I have yet to address or can address at this stage... so really watch this space...

Met up with Kara the other day for lunch at work, and she dropped a bomb, informing me that Nat and Gavin are dating, I was like WTF... anyway, if it was me say a few years ago, I might be upset but now, all I can say is that number 3 is the best so far... 

Anyway, 3 more weeks until I say goodbye to Nepean/Lemongrove permanently, and at this stage, I have to say that I am more excited than sad, and am looking forward to a fresh start...

Oh, and the stupid North Korean leader is threatening to drop missiles left right and centre, which is seriously impacting on my travel plans in december, shitty... 

Uni is just simply painful... as usual...

WTF...

Something strange is seriously happening to me... I just said that I started chatting to this caucasian yesterday on POF, we decided to whatsapp today instead, and then he has already said the L word... I am like whoa, we have not even known each other for long, yet to even talk on the phone, or meet each other, and this random guy is already confessing... WTF... 

Sooo, all I am saying is, so far, all 3 online dating guys have all said the L word to me at one point... but nothing has really come of it... maybe guys nowadays throw the L word around like it means nothing... crazy... and now I am feeling slightly bad towards number 2... does this count as me two timing the both of them?? but people kept telling me to keep my options open...

Is this all going to blow up in my face?? Watch this space...

CoiNciDenCe. Fate. KARmA...

OMG, sometimes, even if you don't believe in things like fate or coincidence, the universe proves you wrong, like what happened with the Duffys, Janelle, and now this morning... 

Dropped Hyungie off for service at Parramatta, then caught a lift to the station, and then went to the toilet, and then as I was walking out of the toilet, I looked down and saw someone who looked 90% like my ex number 1, we made eye contact, but at that instant, it did not immediately register, and I kept walking, but then I realised that he might actually be who I thought it was, I did not dare to stop to turn around to look, but then I saw someone who looked really like him come up on the escalator and walked to the platform next to mine, but he walked in the opposite direction from where I was standing... it was freaking crazy... 

And then I waited sooo long at the strathfield bus stop for the bus to get to concord hospital, started talking to this couple at the bus-stop, and also guess what, after finishing seeing the nurse in the chest clinic, and finding out that I might have latent tuberculosis??!! I was walking out to the cafe and out comes the couple again... and I did do a crazy thing as well, seeing as how I had a close shave with ex number 1, I decided what the hell, and messaged ex number 2 asking him out for lunch... he actually agreed... went to petaling for lunch then walked to this park at central for awhile... he told me nothing has changed, but who knows right... I think I know what he wants, but I don't know what I am wanting out of this... we are not friends, and we are not 'dating', something in between, who knows what... and now I just started chatting to this caucasian on POF as well... I am a bad person... really, cos I yelled at papa, and chased him out of the house on sunday... Karma...

LEt Go...

uni wise, still painfully plodding along slowly... totally regret taking this on everytime it's assignment due date time...

Concord finally responded and it is looking like my last day at NBMLHD will be sometime in mid-late Sept 2017... Hope that this will be a positive and possibly rewarding change... 

nothing much happening other than work and uni... back to the boring days again... nothing much happening still on the online dating front... feel like I should be doing something more to spice up my current monotonous life... I really should move on rather than being stuck in the past... I actually think that now that I have experienced what it can be like, it is worse than not knowing... oh well... not much I can do about it is there...

Mum and papa are coming to visit again... painful...still remembered what happened the last time they came...

On a more positive note, my birthday is coming in 2 weeks time... yay... it's looking like it's going to be hanging out with family and then laser tag with badminton gang again... and I am going to treat myself to some massage, no money to go on a roadtrip this time... have to save up for our Japan/Korea trip...

PleASE...

sooo, in the last blog, I said we finally decided to say goodbye on 6th June, and then all of a freaking sudden, when I have started to forget about him, he freaking decides to whatsapp me again on sunday (16th July), out of the blue, I was actually pissed initially, and I kept like swinging back and forth about what I want to do... I hate myself sometimes...

新的开始。。。

have not blogged for a long time... the time in singapore and hokkaido came and went, it was boiling hot when we were there in singapore, had a great celebration for nainai's birthday and michelle's tea ceremony... ate alot... sweated alot... was good to see the usual gang of people... hokkaido was beautiful, although the flight there and back was pretty turbulent, the weather was great except for the one day when it was pouring all day and of course, that day was the day that we were meant to visit lake mashu which was apparently the clearest lake in the world... got to sleep in the tatami style accommodations for most nights, the food was not great... the onsen experience was fabulous once we got over the embarrassment... and we got to enjoy onsen in most accommodations... unfortunately the quality of the accommodation and food went downhill in the last 2 days, which we were not happy about... 

we finally decided to stop dragging it out and said goodbye via whatsapp on 6th June... which was ironic cos I distinctly remembered that on 6th April, I called him for the first time and it was sooo awkward and painful during the 5 seconds of phone call... still think about it sometimes, but it's probably a good thing that we ended it... 

nothing much happening on the online dating front... uni is starting again very soon...

Oh... there is something positive... I was offered a Level 2 position in MRT at Concord Hospital, again, irony, becos it is a new service and again, if everything goes according to plan, then I will again be the first OT in the service... deja vu... but what will be different this time is I will be going into it with experience and not blind... so watch this space... 

Masterchef is coming to an end very soon... it's going to be back to being boring again... been researching for our Japan/Seoul trip at the end of the year, sooo expensive... but I am definitely going no matter what... cross my fingers and toes that we will get to go...

CoLd...

finally finished all the assignments for this semester... although I did not do well for the first assignment :( dunno what's going to happen for the next 2 semesters, seeing as how I can't actually do the project in community... oh well, no point worrying about it at this stage...

yay! flying back home for 3 weeks, eat, sleep, play and generally be a sloth... time is going to fly so fast, and before I know it, I am freaking back at work again... 

my special friend and I... still in a state of limbo, cos he may have to leave anytime, so who knows... he definitely has taught me alot of things since we started this whole thing... watch this space...

WeT & GLooMy...

big decision made, we signed the contract for the townhouse at Schofields... hopefully it is the right decision... we are so broke now... full of debts, pongie and I...

work-wise... going ok, had a meeting the other day, about the rotations program, still awaiting a decision regarding where to from here... 

counting down to the holidays but will have to get pass the tiny hurdle of finishing all my assignments before I leave... just looking at the stats stuff and I get a headache... I am so not a numbers person at all... crap... and there is like 2 more freaking semesters of this...

and of course, how could I not mention my new friend... met up for the first time on 7th May... AWKWARD... for like the first half, lunch was pretty average, and we bumped into his friends there too... but we started loosening up at La Perouse beach, ok sidenote here, the place is real pretty, but too far... walked around for awhile and then went for hot chocolate after... plan is to continue for now and see what happens. Next meeting is for karaoke this sunday...

WATch thiS SPaCe...

again did not get the job at Concord Hospital, looks like I will be stuck for longer at Nepean Hospital again... hopefully that means that I get to go on my Japan/Korea trip in Dec 2017...

mum is here, no personal space whatsoever, usual arguments, tears, painful tasks and of course, now we find out that papa is also coming for a week, great, one big happy family... not...

uni... kind of started on the 1st and 2nd assignments... bits and pieces, still needs refining of course, but at least I have started right... 

my biggest brain/mind-occupying thing is this whole online dating whatsapp only chat with the same guy that I blogged about last time... so we are still mostly whatsapping each other, only talked on the phone like 3 times since we started chatting about 3 weeks ago... I seriously dunno where I want to go with this... feel like I am back to the stage about the same time last year when I feel uncomfortable and constantly checking my phone for messages, but then on the other hand, what pongie said was right too, standards... oh well, D-day has been set for 7th May at this stage, so we'll see what happens... 

好久不见。。。

so, I did not get the job at Mona Vale Hospital :( going for another Level 3 rehab position interview at Concord Hospital on Wednesday, again crossing my fingers and toes that I will get this job...

the speed dating thing was probably a once off thing for us both, did not enjoy it at all, did not really see anyone I was interested in...

house-hunting, we are in the final stages of confirming an off the plan townhouse at Schofields... hopefully, this is the right decision... 

online dating... so not much activity happening in the last 5 months since I rejoined the sites... and then this asian guy messaged me, so I thought ok let's chat and see what happens... chatted for a few days and I decided to bite the bullet and exchange phone numbers with him... so on the day we exchanged numbers, I called him thinking to say hello, and 1) his English is not great, 2) he did not sound happy at all that I called him, the whole p/c lasted like 2 secs, and it was so awkward, it was not funny, 3) we are still intermittently whatsapping each other despite that... I am so indecisive at times, I annoy myself... can't decide if I want to continue wasting my time or keep going with this and see what happens... I even deleted his number off my phone at one stage, but then he messaged me again, and I am like, sucked in again... 

Anyway, still plodding along slowly with uni stuff, not that I have even started the assignment, it was good that I can do some reading at work... mum is coming soon, so the next 3 weeks will be interesting...

PLEaSe...

4 weeks later, and we are still getting nowhere with the house hunting... finally a job interview today at Mona Vale Hospital, Level 3, crossing my fingers and toes that I do get the job, cos it will be closer to home, so we are just holding off on deciding whether to buy a house or apartment and location until I know whether I am successful for this position or not...

work has been busy for the last week... sudden influx of new referrals, 2 were particularly painful... and it's been raining pretty much nonstop since Tues... other than that, pongie and I decided to go check out this speed dating thing in the city tomorrow, so hopefully the weather will be better and it will be a fun experience... still no luck with online dating... 

uni wise... doing things on and off... boring... nothing very exciting at this stage actually... counting down to the june holidays and easter...

吓死人。。。

Jesus! Hyungie got hailed on Friday and then again yesterday, yesterday was way more scary as we were actually outside, it started small at first, and then we thought ok maybe we will just wait it out but then it did not go away and so luckily pongie said why don't we go find shelter in the nearest shopping centre which luckily for us, it's only like 5 mins drive away, so we decided to drive in the storm and hail, got to the shopping centre and alot of cars also had the same idea so there was a queue to get in, and we were like shit, just get in there becos the hail stones were getting bigger, luckily we managed to get inside, and then we decided to wait it out in the shopping centre... after we got home and watched the news, alot of people's cars and roofs were less lucky and got smashed and it was pretty much where we were... we were sooo lucky... 

anyway, we have confirmed that we are going to Hokkaido with a tour when we are in singapore... but only for 7 days... but better than nothing... and it looks like we MIGHT be buying an off the plan property this time... at Rouse Hill... near to the new station... which means say goodbye to any future holiday trips!!! oh well... watch this space...

applied for two jobs but I know I definitely did not get the Balmain senior job, oh well... just have to keep trying... 

other than that, work is still the same, nothing very exciting... oh and uni is starting next week!!!! S.H.I.T... not much luck on the online dating front too...

YEar Of THe RooStER...

January 2017 is shaping up to be one of the worst summer months ever... days of 45 degrees heat... disgusting!!! Work continues to be Super Boring, it's truly boring me to tears... when is this even going to improve??!! it better be soon, and there's no jobs out there as well... 

nothing very much happening, finished the weightlifting fairy drama, read some books, went to play room escape with the badminton gang at mission escape, it was damn difficult, probably the most difficult out of all the rooms I have been to, and it probably did not help that Alex was pretty bossy, like not allowing us to touch stuff, or try different things, or listen to suggestions... I think a few of us were pretty pissed... we failed of course, and we were only halfway through the game... really tempted to go back and finish it, but it's freaking expensive... 

decided that we are going to Japan/Korean in Feb 2018... so decided to start doing some research now, even though it's like one year away, and we don't even know what's going to happen then or whether we will have enough leave... but the more research I do, the more tempted I am to just go right now... sian... 

nothing very much to look forward to really... on and off online dating... upcoming trip home again in June, it will be alot more exciting if we were able to go to Japan instead!

NOt WHAt I ExpeCTed...

still chasing the weightlifting fairy show, thank goodness it is ending soon, really good response from netizens despite the poor ratings... 

don't get me started on the meeting up with uni people, 2 freaking annoying people stood us up, in the end, only Anna turned up, and there was no airconditioning both in and out of the restaurant, so pongie and I were eating and sweating buckets at the same time, and the food was pretty average, so needless to say, I was pretty annoyed altogether... the only good things are I got to drink my lindt chocolate drink and sing karaoke... I was so pissed that I deleted Tina off my Facebook list, actually I also deleted Siti and Veena off the list as well, as well as contacts... 

nothing very much happened, it was SUPER Boring in the 2 days of work between Xmas and New Year... papa arrived, annoying as well, cos he disrupted our peace and routine, hung out more with Prisy and Co, finally got to play my ticket to ride game again becos of Michelle, and more Hanabi... also just got informed that Eric proposed to her during New Year's Eve... I am happy for her, but at the same time, I just feel envious?? oh well... 

work wise, seriously, TACP was definitely not what I imagined it to be, it has been SUPER Boring, and barely did much therapy at all, as compared to when I worked in MRT... more talking than anything... really have to start looking for jobs... 

Nothing very much happening at present, online dating wise, nothing much happening as well... Running Man... finally confirmed ending its run in Feb 2016 but there was alot of bad press about how the stupid PD handled the situation... I just feel bad for the members... and the current episodes are sooo uninteresting and we all blame the PD for it... 

Resolutions for 2017... new job, closer to home and in rehab... a partner... good health... good uni results...

MERRy XMaS...

Freaking hell, I am sick AGAIN!!! seriously... more hacking coughs, cold, one episode of horrendous vomitting and having to scoop my vomit out from the sink, sore throat, you name it... back on multiple medications... and now on top of everything else, I have this mouth ulcer that's annoying... been having pretty much fish porridge every day, for all meals, no chocolate, no spicy food, my pantry of unhealthy foods are calling out to me every day... another sick day off work... and it's freaking Christmas, when I could have been eating all the yummy foods... 

not much happening on the online dating front, and it's getting tedious and boring now, probably have to resign myself to being left on the shelf like what pongie said... 

buying a property front... went to talk to a few agents and builders, but I think we are going to hold off for now actually, and riverstone is really not a suburb I can foresee us living in, no matter how tempted I am by having a new and designer looking house we could be living in... 

not much happening for Christmas this year, except being sick, met michelle's new boyfriend for the first time yesterday, he is an oncology doctor, not bad looking and nice... lucky her... hung out at their place for dinner (with them eating laksa and me porridge of course), and then playing this new car game michelle bought called Hanabi... was laughing until I had tears running down my face... cos of my stupidity... slothed at home today, working on boxing day, maybe going to auntie's to hang out again, and then slothing again on tuesday, then it's back to work on wed and thurs... meeting up with uni gang in the city on friday... and then papa's arriving for 2 weeks, joy...

both of us got hooked onto this new korean drama called weightlifting fairy, we are of course so very sucked in again, it's really cute and sweet, and touching actually, with 2 main leads who were not very well-known initially... but I think they are going to do well from here on with this drama... except that the main male lead is freaking young, disgusting... so now we are stuck waiting IMpatiently for wed and thurs to come around each week, 2 more weeks, damn it, how many times have I told myself not to get sucked into starting a drama before it ends??!!

鱼儿在哪里。。。

so... after my first 2 days being sick, finally started in TACP, slightly annoying things like having to ring IT pretty much every day to chase up logins for documentation, and laptop login... otherwise, most of the patients are pretty alright at this stage... it has been pretty hot the last few days, the thermometer went up to like 41 degrees for the last 2 days, hence not fun doing visits in the heat...went to the rehab xmas dinner today, don't like the food, but it was good seeing the rehab team... 

registered for online dating again, on both okc and pof... for some reason, it's been a little boring this time around, not many interesting people to talk to, only really talking to one guy atm on okc... dunno if it will go anywhere, but watch this space... 

other than that, nothing very much happening atm... still watching the china singing show... running man has finally announced that they are ending the show, cos Jong Kook and Jihyo are also leaving, and apparently another mc is joining the show, which we both don't like hence we are going to boycott the show if this new mc really comes on board... it is sad though, after 7 years... 

and for some really strange reason, I am still having this hacking coughs randomly... even after taking the meds... urgghh, dunno what's wrong... 

SiCK...

Last week of my holidays and started coughing, multiple mosquito bites throughout the 4 weeks, thought it was a simple cough, and it will go away shortly, but nooo, it got worse when I returned to Sydney, had to resort to wearing a mask during the flight home, and within the first 30mins of the flight, there was pretty bad turbulence already, and turbulence again when we were landing... the coughing worsened, to the point where I could not sleep, and woke up with violent coughing fits, and during one episode of coughing fit, I actually felt like something got dislodged in my throat, and everytime I swallow, it felt like something was stuck in my throat... could not sleep and got more concerned about the coughing fits and swallowing, that I woke pongie up and drove ourselves to ED at Hornsby Hospital... waited for like 2 hours in total and was seen for like 10mins, doctor said nothing she could feel or see, prescribed me with cough medicine and antibiotics... and gave me 2 days off work, great... I am going to make such a GREAT impression on my first day in community, with a no show... 

overnight trip to JB, enjoyed the pampering stuff, but not the shopping, the food was not too bad, except for the dinner on the first night, where we ate late, and they were closing, and we were pretty much given mostly duck bones... 

currently still reading my online books, and looking into purchasing off the plan properties... hopefully it would be a good decision, cos I have no freaking idea what to look out for and what sort of questions to ask...

SLOThiNG...

HellO Singapore and Home... Week 3 of my 4 week holidays of being a sloth...

The flight home was ok, some slight turbulence here and there, thank God, the food was as usual gross, and what's worse was, clumsy me, spilled apple juice on my pants and shoes at the start of the flight, yay! Not... Never going to order apple juice again! did not eat much, even the ice cream was not great... watched finding dory and that was it... pretty much slept through the journey, as much as I could... usual crying babies and smell of indian curry on my right and left...

since I arrived home, managed to eat most of the food I have been craving for, except the stingray we had at gluttons bay yesterday sucked... bought alot of clothes, clothing here are VERY expensive... bought more food, and now I am thinking my luggage will not be able to accommodate all the crap I have bought... met up with most people and I have decided that I will not contact siti or veena in future when I visit, cos they do not seem to put in the effort to make time to meet up since the last time I came back in Feb 2016... so why should I continue bothering... I did manage to meet up with Mellishia though, which was great becos I have not seen her for years now... can't even remember the last time I met up with her... this time around, most of the discussion topics centre around babies, childcare etc... and realreal is now pregnant with baby number 2... Fran is getting married soon... alamak!

pretty much hot and raining and humid since I am here, equals GROSS... just sitting or standing and I am sweating profusely... and not forgetting the multiple mosquito bites that I have been getting and still getting... got hooked to watching this channel 8 show on nurses... pretty good show... and pongie recommended this new china singing competition show with JJ Lin, Hebe, Zhang Hui Mei, Yu Quan and Xiao Jing Teng as judges, not bad, but the concept is still not as difficult as the Zhong Guo Hao Ge Qu... still showing... 

today, went to toa payoh with papa to collect my glasses and to eat prata (unfortunately, the prata store is closed for renovations), anyway, got roped into being interviewed for this channel 8 documentary show talking about airbnb and whether singapore should also legalise a similar concept here... both papa and I did it separately, and I looked shocking on video (cos he videoed it), and of course, I was sweating profusely on camera, like I always do even at home, great, there goes my public image!

anyway, uni side, thank god I did so much better in the second assignment, and managed to get a distinction for this semester, yay!

countdown to going back to sydney, to work, and to studying :(

Au RevOiR NEPeaN...

Goodbye Nepean Hospital... it has been mostly good for the last 6 years, except for a few irritants... Did not get to say goodbye to a few people, and was alittle disappointed with the farewells, but hey, no point getting upset over this, looking forward to being a sloth at home back in singapore, except for the flights and the weather... hopefully I will do well in this module this semester, and that TACP will be a good rotation for me... won't be going to the OT dept or the Aged Care Xmas party, but decided to go to the rehab one, even though it's on a random wednesday night and thai food :( but I am hoping that the people there will make up for it... 

Crossing my fingers and toes that 2017 will be a year where I will get my dream rehab senior job closer to home and maybe even buy a townhouse! and maybe find someone nice and good to me...

失望。。。

All I can say is I am always setting myself up for disappointments, even though I kept telling myself that it is not possible, I keep expecting something more, and ending up in feeling disappointed... really need to find another distraction...

prisy got me hooked on this new korean drama called love in the moonlight, similar plot like the moon and the sun show, but the timing always sucks, did not do well in the first assignment this semester, and kept telling myself that I should be concentrating on doing better in the upcoming assignment, but always becoming distracted, and no motivation whatsoever... just hoping that I can do better in this next assignment so hopefully will pull my grades up for this semester... looking forward to my holiday... kept telling everyone at work that I am really looking forward to going into the community, so hopefully I will enjoy the rotation, and I am really hoping that I will be lucky enough to get a senior rehab position sometime next year close to home before I rotate into MRT again...

SUmmEr's HERe...

recap on the recent roadtrip to bowral/moss vale, I actually was allocated a male masseuse, it was weird initially, but after that, I was like whatever, nothing amazing to see anyway... after that, went to check out our accomodation, it was refurbished quite nicely indoors, parisian- style... and the bed was very comfortable, the bathroom was quite big as well... would not mind staying there again... although the cooked breakfast was only so-so... 

otherwise, nothing much happening... trying to play as much badminton as I can before I go back to singapore, to lose some weight, which really I don't think it's working, cos I think I ate as much if not more than what I lost during exercise... work wise, nothing very much happening... bought 2 boxes of wipes for kara's baby shower, and an animal puzzle game for shelby, apparently, shelby loves destroying the puzzle when it's all sorted... she is really cute... also bought a mobile hanging animal thing for rehab mel's baby... started emptying out my desk and clearing things in preparation for rotation... 

uni wise, thought that this semester would be a little easier cos it's more relevant to what I am doing at work, but it is turning out to be more challenging than I thought... hopefully, I will pass the module, yikes!

oh, and side note, I was just browsing through my facebook feed one day like I always do, and guess who popped out on people who I may know... yup my ex of 3 months... and for some really weird reason, his profile name is something bizarre called coco jambo??!! I panicked a little when I saw his picture, initially thought it may be a scammer using his pictures but then I clicked into the profile, and it was all pictures of him, and also some of the ones which he sent to me before, which now I know some were pretty old... anyway, I don't know how facebook decides that he is somehow linked to me, but I deleted him on my newsfeed page anyway... 

Counting down to me being a sloth when I go back home in 3 weeks' time!

DayLiGht SaVinGs StarTiNg AgAin...

have not been blogging recently, nothing very exciting happening... major entertainment news though, Brad and Angelina divorced!!! what a shame, and they have 6 kids! my life currently consists of working, assignment, badminton... yup, BORING!

work wise, the new grad still needing quite abit of feedback, and Hannah did not get the MRT position, which personally, I was glad, becos I think she is a good clinician, but sometimes, she comes across as a know it all at times, and it's a Level 2 position, so hopefully we can get someone new and good... 

abit of gossip... prisy and co have been hanging out ALOT with Alex and Kelvin... we all know that Christine really likes Kelvin, but we don't know if it's mutual on his part, but then prisy thinks that Alex may also like Christine, but I initially thought Alex likes Prisy... but then, Alex also hangs out ALOT with Marga... so who knows what's going on with Marga and Jack... anyway, just gossiping... 

once assignment 1 is done, will have to start on assignment 2, and then the weekly postings, and then it's holidays!!! my plan is to be a sloth at home, eat and sleep, and then eat again...  hence I am trying to work hard at badminton nowadays before I go home... and I bought the pirate roulette game after being inspired by running man the other day...

yay! really looking forward to our roadtrip to bowral/moss vale tomorrow, I need a massage! the only annoying thing is that I still have to work on my assignment on the roadtrip :(

HAppY 31st...

my birthday celebrations recap... went for badminton, yum cha (not nice), then laser tag at rosehill, it was tiring, sweaty but fun... 4 levels to run around in, and the group which came along were fun to play with, and then we went for korean at eastwood, much better food, and then dessert at oliver brown... 

friday, bought the rainbow cake for work, and deanna also organised a morning tea the same day for the LGBTQI fund raising thing, which then led me to think that she may be one of them too... and we had aged care breakfast in the morning, then this morning tea, then my usual chicken schnitzel, then my cake and then dinner at lao chufang, unfortunately the food was not great that day, for some reason, so I was pretty much constantly eating the whole day... and christine and prisy bought me chocolatey stuff for my birthday... and rhia bought me 2 packets of caramello... I am so fat it's not funny... 

saturday, it was the cherry blossom festival at auburn, went with auntie and uncle in the end, cos prisy injured her foot at badminton... it was quite disappointing actually... met up with fangying there as well... luckily the weather was really good that day... and then we went to strathfield for lunch, at this new malaysian cafe... I ordered the prata, but it was too crispy for my liking... and then went over to prisy's to catch up on running man... 

today, working :( luckily the day went pretty quick... ADO tomorrow, really have to start working on my assignment, the deadline is getting closer and closer by the day... urgghh... 

workwise, a new staff member started in aged care, a brand new grad, so everything was really new for her, so had to spend some time to explain everything from scratch... other than that, nothing much else happening... 

nainai had a fall the other day, injured her leg, and then a fever, and then her leg swelled, and sudden onset of confusion... had all of us worried sick... and now mum's also sick with a cold and fever...

3 MOnTHs...

yup, we finally broke up for real today, after watching Jason Bourne in gold class in the city, again the whole conversation, not really even a conversation, it was pretty much me telling him, lasted for less than 5mins... and here I was stressing for the last week, about what and how I should say it... but in the end, did not end up saying what I mentally prepared... Alex did not even say much... 

oh and recently, for some weird reason, hanging out more and more with Fangying, we have now been to karaoke together twice, and went out to eat twice now... and she got me hooked onto this japanese craze, and the queues were sooo long for the last few times we were there, but tocheesecake day for some really strange reason, there was pretty much no queue, and I was able to buy 4x cakes for us both, and only having to queue for maybe 5mins :)

our last few weekends have been sooo busy and hectic, pongie and I have been complaining that we have not had a weekend where we can just relax and be sloths for the day... it's pretty much cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and then some sort of activity happening on sat... and then it's badminton on sundays, lunch and then auntie's...  where got time to study??!!

and I have also registered for some speed dating websites, and will also be returning to online dating websites when I actually have some time to myself... I can just imagine myself going back on OKC and seeing Alex back on there too, AWKWARD!!!

生病了。。。

work wise, many changes happening, staff wise, with maternity leave, secondments, and new staff starting... off sick today, probably a combination of being crazy busy at work last week, and on the weekend, still hoping that the rotations will continue, cos I have given up on a few positions to wait for the community rotation... uni has started, which means another few months of eyes and brain bleed from the crazy volume of journals I have to read to complete the assignments... 

met up with yochi and her family on sat for buffet lunch at blacktown rsl... both yochi and anthony are looking for new jobs too... pongie and I bought new badminton racquets after the lunch too... so far probably still getting used to using it... and on sunday, after badminton, we went for lunch at this really nice scenic cafe at the olympic park, pretty crowded with families, my fish and chips was ok, the fish was too fishy for me... but everyone else at the table was playing pokemon go except me... so rude... anyway, it was pretty weird, becos Alex came along for lunch, and after that, he also came along to prisy's house to hang out ie watch running man, play wii, and watch movie... with 5 other girls... we were all saying how weird it was... maybe he likes prisy... too bad he is younger than us... who knows... if he is really into prisy, he is a pretty good catch, other than the fact that he is younger and is an only child... watch this space... and prisy said she actually went on a date with a guy probably whom she met on the dating websites, but it didn't work out... 

pongie and I are going to watch star trek in gold class tomorrow night... yay! first time experiencing gold class... hopefully it would be good... and hopefully my cold will resolve soon, so I can enjoy fully... cos can't really breathe properly atm... 

my birthday is coming soon, decided to go play laser tag with prisy and co!!!

StiLL COLd...

work wise, it has been crazy busy with complex patients on the ward this week, of course when Alissa's not here, and I am left only with my student to help, luckily she is pretty cluey, just the spelling mistakes do get to me sometimes... busy with home visit with a hoarder, having to wipe a patient's ass, 2x shower Ax, etc... sooo glad this week is over, hopefully Hannah and I will get along well, otherwise it's going to be a hellish few months... and Rhia told me today that Deb is going for the locum senior community position, sooo, which means that if she does get the position, there will be no one in Aged Care or MRT... and she will be supervising me... awkward... 

anyway, found out that Piyo and Amelia are now pregnant with their second babies!!! who knows, there may be more coming which I don't know about yet!

booked my tickets back home in november... looking forward to just being a sloth really, and eating nonstop... just pretty much not being at work really... papa and mum may be coming out to visit end August...

Alex and I are going ok I guess... don't really know where we are heading at this stage... wish I could talk to somebody and get some advice :( pretty much just meeting up once a week, mostly for dinner... but I just feel like we have run out of things to talk about, whereas back then when we first met, we were talking for hours on end... is that usual for others as well... who knows... and obviously pongie still not happy about us both still going out... we have different hobbies, like different things, and I just feel like he does not have much to talk about in terms of his life... and now that both of us have started uni semester again, our lives will pretty much be work and study really... anyway... watch this space... and I used to get excited and looked forward to seeing him before, but now... not really...

怎么办？？

work wise, changes with staffing levels, Aaron rotated out of aged care, Christian is now the new PT along with Sanobar, Alissa is rotating soon, and Hannah will be rotating in, sometimes I feel Hannah does not like me for some reason, dunno why... so we had so many morning and afternoon teas the last few days, and I ate so much... and Lois had her retirement farewell lunch the other day as well, so basically I have been eating crap nonstop, which meant that I have to work extra hard at badminton, and I am going to make an effort to go to the badminton on saturday... currently supervising a student on placement, she is a canadian born asian, and her accent is so nice... and she is pretty clued in, so I am pretty lucky, but rhia's student is a different story... and kara and kate heagney are pregnant again!!!! and also found out that Gavin's leaving for Westmead for a senior position...

pongie started her new job at North Connex... still working out of the main office, but dreading the day she has to go out on site... 

still driving Hyungie for work, and Scarlett is left sitting nice and clean in the garage... 

Alex and I are going ok, still at stage 1... went for a day trip to the hunter valley today, weather was really good, very crowded, I bought 2 bottles of wine from Scarborough and Audrey Wilkinson, but he bought none, had breakfast at this cafe called Pollina's, the decor was nice, but food was only ok... and then went to takeru for lunch... I was so full after... and I was alittle embarrassed about singing in front of him in the car, but eventually I was like, whatever, so I just sang my usual chinese songs... sometimes I feel that we are more like friends than in a relationship, urgghhh... still have not told anyone else yet except the few mentioned before... 

prisy and christine somehow became really friendly with 2 guys from badminton, Oscar and Alex, don't like Oscar cos he is so loud, but Alex (yeah, I know, the freaking irony here) is pretty nice... but yet to really get to know yet, cos we always seem to be going out in a big group, and who knows whether he is even looking or has someone already... but went for room escape at parramatta called labyrinth with prisy and co plus Oscar, not as high techie and fun as the ones in singapore, but pretty good though...

SCarLett... 红儿。。。

sooo, today I inadvertently made Alissa cry, apparently becos I was being dismissive about doing something with the medical students today, and I did not even realise it until Karen told me about it during supervision... anyway, now I have to go apologise and be mindful about how I go about saying things... work-wise, it has been so boring becos for some really strange reason, our ward has so many empty beds and there is no patients to see, so I am like struggling to find things to do other than working on some QI stuff, readings and doing stats... 

Alex and I are going ok I guess, met up in the city for dinner last weekend, then hung out around darling harbour, it was freezing cold that day though... and we met for dinner near work as well on monday... we are still at stage 1 and I don't know if I will ever be ready to progress onto stage 2... sometimes I feel undecided as to whether I made the right decision to contact him again after we first broke up... and he again told me he thinks he loves me... I dunno... I am so freaking indecisive I annoy even myself... urgghh... 

Good News!!! Pongie got offered a permanent full time job at North Connex jobsite, as a junior accountant... woohooo... hopefully this job will turn out well... and which means I get to buy a new car, which I did, and it's my long-desired mazda 3, in the red... and pongie has named it Scarlett :) it will be ready on monday... woohoo...

WiSE DeciSiON??

sooo, after officially breaking up over the phone on 15th June, we started messaging each other periodically after that, very platonic... and then on the weekend, I decided to register myself on this other online dating website called Plenty of Fish, yeah, the name really does not sound pleasant at all, anyway... for some reason, most guys on the website are of course either weird or label themselves as 'adventurous' and 'outdoor loving'... which is the total opposite of me... and so I did that for 2 days, and the whole time, I find myself thinking of Alex, I am such a hypocrite and pongie is right, I am so indecisive... anyway, and then on sunday it was pouring with rain but we had already planned to meet up with Euodia and her friends for karaoke in the city... we had fun in general, the only downside was the pouring rain, after karaoke, pongie and I decided to check out this new Japanese restaurant at TGV, was disappointed with the food actually, and it was alittle expensive as well... anyway, I decided to call Alex after work on Monday and we had a good chat after 2 weeks... I was sooo nervous about calling, that I actually sat in Hyungie for like 10mins trying to decide if I was actually doing the right thing... and what would happen if he tells me he has already moved on... anyway, turns out he has not, well, that's what he says anyway... and he kept saying things like he has not thought of moving on, that he still looks forward to receiving my messages and he hinted that he would wait... and I think I decided then and there that I am not going to listen to what Buddha is saying and forge forward with having a relationship with Alex this time around... and see where it goes, cos I don't want to have regrets and I kept thinking that we have so much unfinished business... well, for better or worse, I made the decision and if things go bad again, then I have no one to blame but myself... and I deleted my POF profile after 2 days... anyway, I then decided today that I will ask him out... cos I figured why waste time right, if I have already decided to continue... I know people around me will not be happy with my decision but I am going to stick to it... anyway, we decided to meet up in the city on sat, so hopefully this time, it will turn out better than our last disastrous planned hunter valley non event... he even threw away the selfie stick after I cancelled on him cos he thought he no longer had use for it... 

anyway, uni wise, got back my 1st assignment, and surprisingly, I did very well, I was not expecting it at all... I really had no idea what I was doing at that stage, but I am so very glad that all the hard work, sweat and tears worked out well in the end, now crossing my fingers and toes that the second more important assignment also did well...

15th June 2016...

After stressing about it for the last 3 days, our breakup phone call only lasted less than 5 minutes... he hates me... it is all my fault, so no one to blame but myself... and I learnt something from him, don't say sorry, it's like a pat on the head...

27th April- 12th June 2016...

1.5 months and 3 dates later... I broke up with Alex. Real good timing as well, the night before we were meant to go on our first roadtrip together to the hunter valley. Had a good cry last night, and with my period combined, yup, did not really sleep well at all... To be honest, I feel like I have hurt him more by suddenly telling him this becos I knew how excited he was to go on this roadtrip... and to be really honest, the following reasons were why I decided that he was not the one for me even though I really like the feeling of him liking me more...

1. I am indeed racist despite how much I said I was not;

2. I am superficial;

3. Nobody who knew of us in the family approved and mum even showed me the signs she got from praying to say that this was not a good match, and from then on, I started doubting myself and having second thoughts about us;

4. He was getting a little too "clingy" for my liking;

I am such a liar and a scammer, just like what his impression of me was in the beginning... I kept telling him to be honest with me, and in the end, it was me who was not being honest... Fran et al all said this was a good thing and that I don't drag on if I feel he was not right for me. Fran even said not to change my mind cos it won't end well, based on her previous experience.

God, now that the damn semester is over, and I am really worried about passing this module, cos there is NO FREAKING WAY I would want to redo this module again EVER... don't really know what to do with myself... reading my books used to fill me with anticipation but now the mood is just not there anymore... and it's now back to my usual boring routine of work and home and back to work again...

喜欢或者习惯。。。友情或者爱情。。。

sooo, we spent our 1 month anniversary having dinner at grilled at penrith westfield, the food was not great though, and he gave me roses and a card, which was pretty sweet, and we just hugged platonically, he kissed me on the cheek and held hands... so far so good, we decided that we are going to forge ahead and work on this relationship together... so far, I have told, pongie, prisy, huimin, fran and jo, and mum, and mum's reaction was the most surprising, she actually did not even ask much details and just said to go for it... yeah, weird... so really, only mum is on my side at this stage... 

the other stressful thing which happened over the weekend was my assignment, realised at the last minute that I was on the wrong track all along and had to pretty much redo most of the work, stayed up late to work on it on friday, and then all of saturday, and seriously there was a point in time I felt like throwing up... even had to work on it during our hunter valley roadtrip...

really had a good time at hunter valley, the weather was great, had my massage which I really needed... did not visit as many wineries this time becos I had to work on the assignment... had lunch at harrigan's pub which was really crowded... and the accomodation at the pub was pretty ok as well, nothing fancy but quite spacious... 

so now I just have to get through the next 2 weeks with my last assignment for this module and cross my fingers and toes that I will pass the module... that's all I want, just to pass this module so I won't have to do it again... 

oh and I made another new asian friend/colleague called Euodia today, as in we had lunch together, she is from Malaysia but obviously has been here for awhile, but we clicked pretty well, similar interests... wish she could stay at Nepean... which made me think of my ex-friend Elisha, who appears to have disappeared from the earth... 

SOme GUiDanCE wiLL bE HeLpful...

sooo, we finally met up with each other yesterday, first impression, ok, physically, not quite what I expected, he is pretty dark-skinned, and short, like similar height with me... so we met up at hornsby westfield, then he drove hyungie to top ryde, where we had schnitz for lunch, and we talked some more, it was pretty awkward actually, cos I saw him from afar first, and I just gave him a quick small hug, and there were a few times during our little date that I know he was trying to hold my hand, but it was pretty awkward, and he kept rubbing my finger, so I kind of subtly pulled away, and he kissed me on the cheek twice... after lunch, we decided to drive to eastwood and we had oliver brown's waffles for dessert... he was really nice, but I could tell he was nervous as well... cos he sounded way more confident over the phone... 

the problem is I know I have feelings for him, but I dunno whether these feelings mean I truly like him or whether I just feel comfortable talking to him as a friend... and he already told me more than once he is starting to fall in love with me... and everyone around me who knows, kept telling me to slow down, and to make sure of his intentions and his future plans are first... but sometimes, I also feel like we do know each other quite well, and I do trust him at this stage... I can't predict what's going to happen in future, but at this stage, I think I am going to go with my gut instincts and feelings and see where this leads us to...

and on the other hand, pongie was again upset with me yesterday and we had another blowup, in addition to the one on saturday, when papa was apparently upset with both of us for different reasons, hence my initial plan of telling them was postponed... and yesterday it got to the point that I felt so bad towards him that I told him it's not too late to give us up, cos really, I have too much drama in my life right now... since this whole thing started... it's pretty much one drama after another every week... and one of the things which really made me feel like he really likes me and is serious about us is the way he handled the whole situation and is willing to compromise and wait for me... I was pretty shocked when he told me that he was really upset and he had tears in his eyes when he read my message asking him to walk away from this yesterday... hence why, I am trusting these feelings and my gut instinct telling me that he is a trustworthy person and that he genuinely cares for me... despite what other people are telling me... anyway, we decided that 27 April is the day we officially "talked" and knew of one another, so this friday 27 May will be our 1 month anniversary, and we are planning to go have dinner after work... anyway, watch this space...

BE poSiTiVE!

since I last blogged on Friday evening, the conversation that night was truly mortifying on my part, cos it was VERY personal like sensitive questions 101, even to the point of talking about having sex, my menstrual bleeding, my surgery, my scars, and possibility of not having children, everytime I thought of what we talked about that night, I cringe in horror and embarrassment, cos come on, I have yet to even meet him in person, and he knows more intimate things about me that any person should... and we even talked about locations and when to do this... 

anyway, things were pretty intense still... until sat night when pongie overheard us talking about going on an overnight trip and everything blew up... she was crying the whole night, yelling, saying that she hates him, I am not her sister, she wants to go back to singapore etc... it was truly one of the worst nights ever... and of course, needless to say, sunday was pretty tense, which made me tell prisy about him... and of course, she also said the same thing to me, ie to be careful, cos at the end of the day, I have yet to meet him, and I have more to lose than him etc... which I agree, but I really like him and I want to believe and trust what he says... but of course, there will always be a part of me which will remain cautious... anyway, sunday night, pongie and I manage to have a chat about things, and hopefully things will improve as time goes... 

and he is so much better than me at compliments, at saying things such as liking me, thinking of me, missing me, and he even said to me yesterday that he thinks he is slowly falling in love with me... he actually said the big taboo L word, and we have not even met each other... and on my part, I think I am too, becos how can I resist not?? examples, checking my phone almost compulsively, looking forward to chatting with him at night, and texting him, we pretty much text or call each other regularly throughout the day and still chat at night... is that overkill??

I keep waiting for me to wake from this dream, or waiting for the stone to drop, and this situation is not as good as it seems to be... I will be devastated...

HaS FatE rEALLy ArriVED?

sooo... thought I would do a timeline of my online dating journey...

26 April- registered as a member, started talking more in depth with 2 asian guys pretty much daily, some just hi and byes... browsing daily for interesting matches...

10 May- suddenly was talking as per usual with one of them and then at like 2230, he was like, so how about we try chatting on the phone, so I was like sure, when?? expecting like on the weekend or something, not immediately, but that was what happened... I was sooo nervous, my palms were sweating, cold, my heart was pounding like crazy, I was pretty much freaking out alittle bit actually... so we talked for abit, first impression to be honest was ok, his English is not perfect... voice is ok... accent is quite strong but not too bad... and after we hung up, I truly could not sleep the entire night, combination of adrenaline, nerves, replaying the whole conversation over and over... it was crazy... and then we started talking nightly, getting to know each other better, and I thought he was a really nice and genuine person... and he seems to really care about my wellbeing, and texts me throughout the day as well... and asking for more pics... he actually believed that my profile picture was photoshopped, I was alittle upset about that... 

13 May... fast forward till today... still talking nightly, texting each other throughout the day, and he seemed to really like me, but me being me, with my low self esteem and confidence, kept worrying constantly about what will happen once we actually see each other face to face, and he finds out all the stuff about me... what will his reaction be and what happens if this did not work out in the end... oh and did I mention that we both decided to delete our okcupid accounts yesterday... and I also offered to continue as friends with the other asian guy I was talking to, I hope the gamble of giving him my number does not turn around and bite me in the ass... anyway... so have not been sleeping well for the last few nights since we started chatting on the phone... and of course, no mood whatsoever to do my assignment still... yikes... time is really ticking... just wish that I did not start this stupid idea of doing the masters degree in the first place... cos really, to be honest, my priority atm is to work on my social life... but it's a little too late now... so just have to persevere and hopefully get it done and pass the module this semester... 

so, who knows about the above so far... only pongie, huimin, fran and jo... dunno if I should be telling other people at this stage... watch this space I guess :)