超恨这个地方。。。

work still sucks, can't believe I have to endure another year of being at concord and in this department... can't wait to either leave this department or the hospital altogether... 

Pete and I are still going well on this time-limited relationship thing... depending on when ADF happens really... it will hurt when we have to end it once and for all but I don't think I can wait for him for who knows how long... and hygiene is another big issue for me... 

Pongie's masquerade party was very nice, but not my style, and we had another argument becos of that... anyway, she has another work cruise thing happening, so I had this brainstorm to stay in the city for a night cos we are planning to hang out in the city on sat anyway... and Pongie suggested staying one night at Hyatt... ooohhh.... looks really posh and nice... can't wait for friday... 

still counting down to our holidays... wish time would pass quicker... boiling hot this whole week, another hot and sweaty summer...

SeCOnd CHanCe...

sooo... we finally met up after 3 weeks... went to the movies, had ramen, went to check out barangaroo and cockatoo island, was actually quite surprised by the history on that island... we finally talked things through, and we are going to have another go... so watch this space... despite some uncertainties still, I feel more settled knowing that we are on the same page atm and are both committed to making this second chance work... 

work-wise, still not really enjoying work atm, having to report every move I make, and feeling like I am being watched... wish I was back at Lemongrove...

work xmas lunch next sun, boring, don't even feel like going and having to see work people 6 days in a row, but being a newbie I feel like I have to make an effort... and we decided to go to pongie's masquerade xmas party, yay! excited, finally get to wear something nice and a nice mask...

other than that, counting down to our holidays...

UNseTTLed...

Things remain pessimistic atm, nothing is really going well, work wise, got yelled at over the phone from a family member, got threatened by the NUM and no Level 3 positions for me anytime soon...

I gave in and rang him on friday, just wanting to know if there is a chance we can be together again, he said yes, but he is sick atm, and since then we have been chatting on and off, but the feeling is not the same anymore, and who knows what is really happening behind my back... 

Life really is not the best atm... dreading to go to work each day, still waiting around for him... I am a fool...

CRuEL...

Now I finally know how cruel and hurtful someone can be... cos I think he must have deleted and blocked... and pathetic fool that I am... still holding out hope that things may turn for the better... deleted the whatsapp chat and his number from the contact list, but it's still on my phone, still keeping the pictures... I just realised that whatsapp still has the mobile numbers of my exes... don't think I can ever be as cruel as to block numbers... he must really be pissed and hates me...

为什么。。。

After 2 months, we finally decided to end it yesterday over the phone, or rather, I decided to end it, cos he was just giving me all these excuses and not willing to compromise at all... does this mean that I will remain an old spinster for the rest of my life... none of the last 3 relationships lasted more than 2 months... what a joke... and all said the L word, but when it really comes down to it, none of them fought for me... nothing to look forward to except our holiday in Dec...

STop...

work is still not going well... and funny how when things go smoothly, everything seems rosy but when small little things like trackwork happens, and I realise that I have been compromising by travelling to him, and now he is not willing to travel to me, things become clear that we are not going to work out becos I can't always be the one compromising and giving in, and when small little hiccups happen, we just seem to fall apart easily... what a joke... just end it now already...

I will be devastated, but I dunno if it's becos there is no longer anything to look forward to or that I actually like him... life goes on though...

iROny...

Week 3 into my new job at Concord and it's not going well at all... I dunno if it's becos I feel like I have lost some independence, or different ways of doing things, but an incident happened today involving my Mandarin speaking amputee patient which made me question myself as a clinician and my clinical reasoning skills... and I really don't like this feeling... ironic how I wish I was still at Lemongrove or Nepean...  and now with my uni project, work is making me feel like I am taking time out of my clinical caseload to work on my project and making me feel bad about it... I really don't like my current work situation at all...

LiFE is NOt GoiNg well...

Unbelievable... 7 years travelling to and from Nepean approx 55km one way, nothing happened, less than 2 weeks into the new job at Concord approx 20km one way, and I had a car accident, freaking idiot 2 cars down must have suddenly decided to turn into the petrol station to get petrol, slowed down and all 3 cars behind him including me did not manage to brake in time, and slammed into each other... thank goodness the car in front was a 4 wheel drive, otherwise, it could have been much worse, and that the car behind didn't hit me... Hyungie's front is dented, but other than that, he was still driveable... and luckily the 2 guys in both cars were nice about the whole thing... spent like 20mins on the phone with AAMI, providing details, and got annoyed when I was told the nearest repair and assessment centre was like 30mins away... I was like are you freaking kidding me??!! Anyway, I managed to get them to find one at Asquith but they are fully booked until 23/10/17, which meant that we could not drive Hyungie until then... this whole new job and new change is not working out for me atm...

Uni is also giving me a headache... work as well... becos the service is only commencing on 30/10/17, so basically I am just helping out on the rehab ward, doing bits and pieces, have a patient on the ward atm who is Mandarin/Cantonese speaking, and I think I spoke more Mandarin than I ever had in ages... and having to wake up at like 0530 to catch the train and bus??!!

This thing with Pete is also giving me a headache... I am feeling more and more like we are not going to work out, and I am considering if I should just end it now and stop wasting our time, or hold off until when he leaves... 

So basically, life is not going well for me atm...

COmProMiSe or SEttLinG...

ok 3 weeks on from my last post, things are going well and not well?? 

pros- he is nice, he seems serious about us, and he is pretty good in let's say skinship areas... he is pretty hairy though, arms and legs...

cons- I have been to his place about 4 times now, I was alittle turned off by the bird shit on the floor, the house is generally not the cleanest, and hygiene is not a priority, his bird is like flying everywhere, he does not like talking about his family, he is going away for months on end once he gets into the navy, and yesterday, he brought me on this walk, which turned out to be a short walk through the bush, and I ended up with cuts, and it was a 4km walk, and we saw 2 dead snakes, yes... and yesterday, he told me that he bought my birthday present from the reject shop... I was like thinking to myself, you should have just kept that information to yourself Pete... not a good thing to tell a girl that... we like different things... he lives far away...

I have this feeling that we may not work out in the end, and I am back at online dating again... painful... 

my last days at Lemongrove CHC came and went... had multiple farewell lunches with both the people from the hospital and Lemongrove... got some presents, gardening stuff, gift vouchers... can't believe that I have actually resigned from NBMLHD, after all this time... and starting work in another place after so long... did my public transport and driving trials... had a headache and felt nauseous from the bus... urghhh... and parking is probably worse at concord cos it's all 2 hour parking slots only...

希望。。。

Soooo 3 weeks since the last post, I have again rejected number 2 twice, I seriously can't believe he messaged me again even after we decided that we should not continue, anyway, goodbye permanently to number 2, and hello number 3...

I have only known number 3 for about 2.5 weeks and it's scary how we are going too well, we have only met up twice to date, but of course, chatting nightly... and he has even video called mum yesterday... I hope that we do end up together in the long term, but there are a few barriers still, which I have yet to address or can address at this stage... so really watch this space...

Met up with Kara the other day for lunch at work, and she dropped a bomb, informing me that Nat and Gavin are dating, I was like WTF... anyway, if it was me say a few years ago, I might be upset but now, all I can say is that number 3 is the best so far... 

Anyway, 3 more weeks until I say goodbye to Nepean/Lemongrove permanently, and at this stage, I have to say that I am more excited than sad, and am looking forward to a fresh start...

Oh, and the stupid North Korean leader is threatening to drop missiles left right and centre, which is seriously impacting on my travel plans in december, shitty... 

Uni is just simply painful... as usual...

WTF...

Something strange is seriously happening to me... I just said that I started chatting to this caucasian yesterday on POF, we decided to whatsapp today instead, and then he has already said the L word... I am like whoa, we have not even known each other for long, yet to even talk on the phone, or meet each other, and this random guy is already confessing... WTF... 

Sooo, all I am saying is, so far, all 3 online dating guys have all said the L word to me at one point... but nothing has really come of it... maybe guys nowadays throw the L word around like it means nothing... crazy... and now I am feeling slightly bad towards number 2... does this count as me two timing the both of them?? but people kept telling me to keep my options open...

Is this all going to blow up in my face?? Watch this space...

CoiNciDenCe. Fate. KARmA...

OMG, sometimes, even if you don't believe in things like fate or coincidence, the universe proves you wrong, like what happened with the Duffys, Janelle, and now this morning... 

Dropped Hyungie off for service at Parramatta, then caught a lift to the station, and then went to the toilet, and then as I was walking out of the toilet, I looked down and saw someone who looked 90% like my ex number 1, we made eye contact, but at that instant, it did not immediately register, and I kept walking, but then I realised that he might actually be who I thought it was, I did not dare to stop to turn around to look, but then I saw someone who looked really like him come up on the escalator and walked to the platform next to mine, but he walked in the opposite direction from where I was standing... it was freaking crazy... 

And then I waited sooo long at the strathfield bus stop for the bus to get to concord hospital, started talking to this couple at the bus-stop, and also guess what, after finishing seeing the nurse in the chest clinic, and finding out that I might have latent tuberculosis??!! I was walking out to the cafe and out comes the couple again... and I did do a crazy thing as well, seeing as how I had a close shave with ex number 1, I decided what the hell, and messaged ex number 2 asking him out for lunch... he actually agreed... went to petaling for lunch then walked to this park at central for awhile... he told me nothing has changed, but who knows right... I think I know what he wants, but I don't know what I am wanting out of this... we are not friends, and we are not 'dating', something in between, who knows what... and now I just started chatting to this caucasian on POF as well... I am a bad person... really, cos I yelled at papa, and chased him out of the house on sunday... Karma...

LEt Go...

uni wise, still painfully plodding along slowly... totally regret taking this on everytime it's assignment due date time...

Concord finally responded and it is looking like my last day at NBMLHD will be sometime in mid-late Sept 2017... Hope that this will be a positive and possibly rewarding change... 

nothing much happening other than work and uni... back to the boring days again... nothing much happening still on the online dating front... feel like I should be doing something more to spice up my current monotonous life... I really should move on rather than being stuck in the past... I actually think that now that I have experienced what it can be like, it is worse than not knowing... oh well... not much I can do about it is there...

Mum and papa are coming to visit again... painful...still remembered what happened the last time they came...

On a more positive note, my birthday is coming in 2 weeks time... yay... it's looking like it's going to be hanging out with family and then laser tag with badminton gang again... and I am going to treat myself to some massage, no money to go on a roadtrip this time... have to save up for our Japan/Korea trip...

PleASE...

sooo, in the last blog, I said we finally decided to say goodbye on 6th June, and then all of a freaking sudden, when I have started to forget about him, he freaking decides to whatsapp me again on sunday (16th July), out of the blue, I was actually pissed initially, and I kept like swinging back and forth about what I want to do... I hate myself sometimes...

新的开始。。。

have not blogged for a long time... the time in singapore and hokkaido came and went, it was boiling hot when we were there in singapore, had a great celebration for nainai's birthday and michelle's tea ceremony... ate alot... sweated alot... was good to see the usual gang of people... hokkaido was beautiful, although the flight there and back was pretty turbulent, the weather was great except for the one day when it was pouring all day and of course, that day was the day that we were meant to visit lake mashu which was apparently the clearest lake in the world... got to sleep in the tatami style accommodations for most nights, the food was not great... the onsen experience was fabulous once we got over the embarrassment... and we got to enjoy onsen in most accommodations... unfortunately the quality of the accommodation and food went downhill in the last 2 days, which we were not happy about... 

we finally decided to stop dragging it out and said goodbye via whatsapp on 6th June... which was ironic cos I distinctly remembered that on 6th April, I called him for the first time and it was sooo awkward and painful during the 5 seconds of phone call... still think about it sometimes, but it's probably a good thing that we ended it... 

nothing much happening on the online dating front... uni is starting again very soon...

Oh... there is something positive... I was offered a Level 2 position in MRT at Concord Hospital, again, irony, becos it is a new service and again, if everything goes according to plan, then I will again be the first OT in the service... deja vu... but what will be different this time is I will be going into it with experience and not blind... so watch this space... 

Masterchef is coming to an end very soon... it's going to be back to being boring again... been researching for our Japan/Seoul trip at the end of the year, sooo expensive... but I am definitely going no matter what... cross my fingers and toes that we will get to go...

CoLd...

finally finished all the assignments for this semester... although I did not do well for the first assignment :( dunno what's going to happen for the next 2 semesters, seeing as how I can't actually do the project in community... oh well, no point worrying about it at this stage...

yay! flying back home for 3 weeks, eat, sleep, play and generally be a sloth... time is going to fly so fast, and before I know it, I am freaking back at work again... 

my special friend and I... still in a state of limbo, cos he may have to leave anytime, so who knows... he definitely has taught me alot of things since we started this whole thing... watch this space...

WeT & GLooMy...

big decision made, we signed the contract for the townhouse at Schofields... hopefully it is the right decision... we are so broke now... full of debts, pongie and I...

work-wise... going ok, had a meeting the other day, about the rotations program, still awaiting a decision regarding where to from here... 

counting down to the holidays but will have to get pass the tiny hurdle of finishing all my assignments before I leave... just looking at the stats stuff and I get a headache... I am so not a numbers person at all... crap... and there is like 2 more freaking semesters of this...

and of course, how could I not mention my new friend... met up for the first time on 7th May... AWKWARD... for like the first half, lunch was pretty average, and we bumped into his friends there too... but we started loosening up at La Perouse beach, ok sidenote here, the place is real pretty, but too far... walked around for awhile and then went for hot chocolate after... plan is to continue for now and see what happens. Next meeting is for karaoke this sunday...

WATch thiS SPaCe...

again did not get the job at Concord Hospital, looks like I will be stuck for longer at Nepean Hospital again... hopefully that means that I get to go on my Japan/Korea trip in Dec 2017...

mum is here, no personal space whatsoever, usual arguments, tears, painful tasks and of course, now we find out that papa is also coming for a week, great, one big happy family... not...

uni... kind of started on the 1st and 2nd assignments... bits and pieces, still needs refining of course, but at least I have started right... 

my biggest brain/mind-occupying thing is this whole online dating whatsapp only chat with the same guy that I blogged about last time... so we are still mostly whatsapping each other, only talked on the phone like 3 times since we started chatting about 3 weeks ago... I seriously dunno where I want to go with this... feel like I am back to the stage about the same time last year when I feel uncomfortable and constantly checking my phone for messages, but then on the other hand, what pongie said was right too, standards... oh well, D-day has been set for 7th May at this stage, so we'll see what happens... 

好久不见。。。

so, I did not get the job at Mona Vale Hospital :( going for another Level 3 rehab position interview at Concord Hospital on Wednesday, again crossing my fingers and toes that I will get this job...

the speed dating thing was probably a once off thing for us both, did not enjoy it at all, did not really see anyone I was interested in...

house-hunting, we are in the final stages of confirming an off the plan townhouse at Schofields... hopefully, this is the right decision... 

online dating... so not much activity happening in the last 5 months since I rejoined the sites... and then this asian guy messaged me, so I thought ok let's chat and see what happens... chatted for a few days and I decided to bite the bullet and exchange phone numbers with him... so on the day we exchanged numbers, I called him thinking to say hello, and 1) his English is not great, 2) he did not sound happy at all that I called him, the whole p/c lasted like 2 secs, and it was so awkward, it was not funny, 3) we are still intermittently whatsapping each other despite that... I am so indecisive at times, I annoy myself... can't decide if I want to continue wasting my time or keep going with this and see what happens... I even deleted his number off my phone at one stage, but then he messaged me again, and I am like, sucked in again... 

Anyway, still plodding along slowly with uni stuff, not that I have even started the assignment, it was good that I can do some reading at work... mum is coming soon, so the next 3 weeks will be interesting...

PLEaSe...

4 weeks later, and we are still getting nowhere with the house hunting... finally a job interview today at Mona Vale Hospital, Level 3, crossing my fingers and toes that I do get the job, cos it will be closer to home, so we are just holding off on deciding whether to buy a house or apartment and location until I know whether I am successful for this position or not...

work has been busy for the last week... sudden influx of new referrals, 2 were particularly painful... and it's been raining pretty much nonstop since Tues... other than that, pongie and I decided to go check out this speed dating thing in the city tomorrow, so hopefully the weather will be better and it will be a fun experience... still no luck with online dating... 

uni wise... doing things on and off... boring... nothing very exciting at this stage actually... counting down to the june holidays and easter...

吓死人。。。

Jesus! Hyungie got hailed on Friday and then again yesterday, yesterday was way more scary as we were actually outside, it started small at first, and then we thought ok maybe we will just wait it out but then it did not go away and so luckily pongie said why don't we go find shelter in the nearest shopping centre which luckily for us, it's only like 5 mins drive away, so we decided to drive in the storm and hail, got to the shopping centre and alot of cars also had the same idea so there was a queue to get in, and we were like shit, just get in there becos the hail stones were getting bigger, luckily we managed to get inside, and then we decided to wait it out in the shopping centre... after we got home and watched the news, alot of people's cars and roofs were less lucky and got smashed and it was pretty much where we were... we were sooo lucky... 

anyway, we have confirmed that we are going to Hokkaido with a tour when we are in singapore... but only for 7 days... but better than nothing... and it looks like we MIGHT be buying an off the plan property this time... at Rouse Hill... near to the new station... which means say goodbye to any future holiday trips!!! oh well... watch this space...

applied for two jobs but I know I definitely did not get the Balmain senior job, oh well... just have to keep trying... 

other than that, work is still the same, nothing very exciting... oh and uni is starting next week!!!! S.H.I.T... not much luck on the online dating front too...

YEar Of THe RooStER...

January 2017 is shaping up to be one of the worst summer months ever... days of 45 degrees heat... disgusting!!! Work continues to be Super Boring, it's truly boring me to tears... when is this even going to improve??!! it better be soon, and there's no jobs out there as well... 

nothing very much happening, finished the weightlifting fairy drama, read some books, went to play room escape with the badminton gang at mission escape, it was damn difficult, probably the most difficult out of all the rooms I have been to, and it probably did not help that Alex was pretty bossy, like not allowing us to touch stuff, or try different things, or listen to suggestions... I think a few of us were pretty pissed... we failed of course, and we were only halfway through the game... really tempted to go back and finish it, but it's freaking expensive... 

decided that we are going to Japan/Korean in Feb 2018... so decided to start doing some research now, even though it's like one year away, and we don't even know what's going to happen then or whether we will have enough leave... but the more research I do, the more tempted I am to just go right now... sian... 

nothing very much to look forward to really... on and off online dating... upcoming trip home again in June, it will be alot more exciting if we were able to go to Japan instead!

NOt WHAt I ExpeCTed...

still chasing the weightlifting fairy show, thank goodness it is ending soon, really good response from netizens despite the poor ratings... 

don't get me started on the meeting up with uni people, 2 freaking annoying people stood us up, in the end, only Anna turned up, and there was no airconditioning both in and out of the restaurant, so pongie and I were eating and sweating buckets at the same time, and the food was pretty average, so needless to say, I was pretty annoyed altogether... the only good things are I got to drink my lindt chocolate drink and sing karaoke... I was so pissed that I deleted Tina off my Facebook list, actually I also deleted Siti and Veena off the list as well, as well as contacts... 

nothing very much happened, it was SUPER Boring in the 2 days of work between Xmas and New Year... papa arrived, annoying as well, cos he disrupted our peace and routine, hung out more with Prisy and Co, finally got to play my ticket to ride game again becos of Michelle, and more Hanabi... also just got informed that Eric proposed to her during New Year's Eve... I am happy for her, but at the same time, I just feel envious?? oh well... 

work wise, seriously, TACP was definitely not what I imagined it to be, it has been SUPER Boring, and barely did much therapy at all, as compared to when I worked in MRT... more talking than anything... really have to start looking for jobs... 

Nothing very much happening at present, online dating wise, nothing much happening as well... Running Man... finally confirmed ending its run in Feb 2016 but there was alot of bad press about how the stupid PD handled the situation... I just feel bad for the members... and the current episodes are sooo uninteresting and we all blame the PD for it... 

Resolutions for 2017... new job, closer to home and in rehab... a partner... good health... good uni results...